dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
