I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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