god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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