If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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