wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
