those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
