be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
YAS. BRING CRAB.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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