It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
