i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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