dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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