She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
