How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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