did you get engaged???
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
