i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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