smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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