is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
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He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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