I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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