I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
