OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
