is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
