Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
