I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
