he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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