You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
