i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
