these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
