New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I need moral support for this bender
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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