you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
