so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
