Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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