so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
