I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
