i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
