I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
