my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
