before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
