sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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