i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
