my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
