Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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