just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
