Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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