Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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