no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
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I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
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As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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