dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
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she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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