He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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