i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
