You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
