I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize