you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
