Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She even gives head with a lisp.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
