I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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