drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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