I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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