I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
