She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
