Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
