also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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