i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
