Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
