Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
