do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
