i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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