somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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