Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
