Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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