I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
