the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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