You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
