i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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