she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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