just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
