god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
