is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
