I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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