Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
