Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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