no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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