Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
