we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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