i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
